Single?

I am now “single” for the first time since 1999 when I started dating what is now my ex-husband.  I’ve just gone through a divorce, and now a breakup with what I honestly thought I would be spending the rest of my life.  Brad, the man that I still love, but things just didn’t seem like they were coming together for what we needed them to be.  There was so much stress in the way things happened since we got him to KC on June 9^th that looking back now, it’s a miracle we’re both still alive and didn’t jump off a bridge from everything we went through.

Saying goodbye to him on Monday was honestly one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  I miss Brad so much that my heart actually ACHES and I find it hard to breath at times.  My eyes were so puffy and so soar from rubbing them on Monday it was insane and my nose red and raw from wiping and blowing.  (Still have an area that is red & rough) But, I can’t continue to mope around and let my son see my sadness.  It’s just too much for a seven year old to have to process!  SERIOUSLY…suck it up Holly & keep moving.  WAY easier said then done!  Today does feel easier than yesterday and I’m sure each day will get better. But really... I don't want to be single!  I just wanna be Brad's girl again.  

I am praying for changes though…That Brad will really decide this IS the love of my life as I have said all along and I am willing to do WHATEVER it takes to get you back and have you forever!  I am still hopeful that we will be together!  I can’t make that call, it’s not up to me to make the changes, he’s gotta wanna do it for himself, for me, for our family and all that we can be together. 

I am so thankful we got our puppy so at least I have that sweet Coco!  She’s such a little love bug and cuddles up with me at night, I don’t know what I would do without her.  Her love and Tanner’s are what’s getting me through right now.  Tanner is so sweet and sad that Brad is not my boyfriend anymore.  He couldn’t understand why Brad left, “the papers are signed”.  Little love!  ♥He said we’re never going to see Brad again when I told him & then asked if Brad can come visit.

I am less than two months out from my 40^th birthday!  51 days until I turn 40!  I am going to get into the best shape that I’ve ever been in, and when I go get my new drivers license – I’m putting 120 and WILL be at that weight!  It still shows 110 which is WAY old…seriously 2001-2002 old!  HA!  Weighed myself this morning & was 127.2!  Last time I weighed myself, like 2 weeks ago I was at 129.8.  So…back at it!  I went & did the stairs yesterday and again today.  Yesterday I was envisioning myself out walking and building up to the run/walk that I was doing this Spring.  I will get back to that!  I can’t afford to start my Title Boxing membership back up right now, but I can get out & do the walking/running b/c it’s FREE!  And it will be good for me to just exercise and get toned back up and shed these last unwanted pounds.  I wanna hit 40 & in the best shape I’ve ever been in!