it's time to turn the page

my eyes are open, wide open this morning.  i am moving on and i don't care how long i'm alone, there will be someone else that will love my son the way he deserves to be loved.  there will be someone that wants to help me rather than sit back and watch.  watch me cry and stress out over how i'm going to make the bills.  you can't go get just any job, no no - you are far too good to push a broom or to scan things at a department store.  you won't go back to doing finance at a car dealer b/c that was far too much stress.  you have not one cent to your name.  you take money from your mother to get by but have no intention of sharing it with me to pay for your way.  help make the electric bill?  why would you do that?  your response was "i shouldn't have told you about the money b/c you think it's yours".  i have paid your rent, bills, food, basically everything since you left your life in oklahoma on june 9th.  i had no idea we would be sitting like this five months down the road.  if I did, believe me we wouldn't have been sitting here together at all.  i am not going to be taken advantage of anymore.  i am moving on - i have no idea where the road leads me now, but it's definitely brighter than where i'm at now.

you loved me so much in the beginning and made me feel like i was the most beautiful and special girl in the world.  as time has gone on, even that is gone.  there is nothing left...just tears and stress.

back to me...back to happy, outgoing me!  no money to shop, that's fine b/c it's not about the material things in this life.  time with friends - that's what i'm looking forward too most.  get together's at our house, just hanging out & being me and tanner.  it's time to get back to the real me.

i don't regret the past five months - it helped me move on.  not in a positive way when you look at the big picture, but it made it easier in some regards.  sure i have way more credit card debt, but i might say the sex made it worth it.  seriously...the most amazing sex ever.  oh well...can't live on sex now can we?  lol...i can't believe i just put that out there.  well, yes i probably can b/c i've never  been one to really hide much now have i?

i hope you can move on to find good things in life!  please look for the positive in things and stop thinking of everything in such a negative light. life is what you make it & you get out what you put in. i pray good things come your way and bring you peace.